Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
