you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
