Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
