I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My penis needs a shock collar
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
