my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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