We named our party play list daddy issues
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
