It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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