You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he just fucked me for my cheese..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
