party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
