I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
