You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
