he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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