wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
