Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
