Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
