Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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