Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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