but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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