I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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