When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
