How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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