farters have to be the big spoon...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
