At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
