Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
