You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
