He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
