My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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