Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
