My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
