Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
