rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
