some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
