I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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