so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
