and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
