she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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