And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
