this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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