So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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