i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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