I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
