one might say we're banned from that church
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
