After last night, I could never be a politician.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
