Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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