so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
They have beer where we have blood.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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