they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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