can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
