so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
