Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
