If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
