I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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