The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
