I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
