walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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