i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
