he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
